Redamancy is love returned and can be hard to offer for some. It may not be the most common term, but you can learn to let go and love.
Ah, yes, redamancy. Isn’t that the rash you get when you’ve been in the sun for too long? Okay, it’s not, don’t worry. Redamancy is actually the act of loving in return. Which, in some ways, is like scratching a rash that won’t go away, so I guess I wasn’t too far off.
The word redamancy is not used too often, but is so commonly thought of, felt, and worried about.
When someone loves you, it’s overwhelming. It takes you over. When it takes you over, you have two choices: you get some cream for that rash, or you let it infect you. In the case of redamancy, you let it take over.
What is redamancy?
People probably point at you, staring at your rash, but you don’t care. In fact, you don’t even see it as a rash, and it’s your new skin. That’s what love is. That’s what redamancy is. It doesn’t matter if this word is a little aged or not. The meaning is the same.
So what is redamancy?
Redamancy is the love you give back to someone who loves you. No, it isn’t returned. There is no gift receipt. It is actually the opposite of unrequited love. It is requited love.
Redamancy is the love two people share.
How to practice redamancy
To love someone back is surrendering yourself to vulnerability and allowing, whatever happens, to happen. No one said the act of love was easy.
We all want those feelings of redamancy. Loving someone back is like filling a hole we never knew was there. But, even with all the goodness that is redamancy, it isn’t always easy to fulfill.
There is a lot that gets in the way of returning love to the person who loves you. But, considering these things can help you overcome those roadblocks and return your love in full.
1. Know we’ve all been hurt
You may be scared. Listen, I’m also scared when it comes to loving someone. Redamancy isn’t some walk in the park. The act of loving someone back means you let your guard down and open yourself up to vulnerability.
But we’ve all been heartbroken, and it is a part of living life. Whether it’s been by a partner, parent, or friend, someone broke our heart. It’s impossible to live your life without feeling a loss. But is the fear of another worth never loving?
2. Blame your ego
You have an ego, but you are not your ego. Yes, it’s a part of you, and if you allow it, it controls you. This is why so many of us are scared to practice redamancy. It isn’t the mind or heart that can’t imagine another heartbreak. It is the ego.
Your ego doesn’t like risks. It shrinks before something in which it can’t control. Love is uncontrollable, and therefore, so is redamancy. That risk of being hurt scares your ego more than it scares you. Being fooled, lied to, and hurt is like kryptonite to the ego. So don’t let it get you down.
3. What are you scared of?
If you want to practice and understand the real meaning of redamancy, first identify what you’re scared of. Oh, don’t say you’re not scared, you are or else you wouldn’t be reading this. Just admit to yourself that you’re scared. Good. Now that you did that, it’s time to take a closer look at why you’re scared.
What is it that makes you scared to love someone back? Once you know what it is, face it.
4. Know you are worthy of redamancy
There are many of us that believe we’re not worthy of love which is complete shit. You’re not skinny enough, not cute enough, not sexy enough. It’s all bullshit.
Whether you want to admit it or not, these thoughts take over and make us have low self-esteem. So, when we do find someone amazing who loves us, we constantly question it. That hesitancy is what stops us from loving back.
But, why let those little voices control your potential happiness?
5. Accept the risks
Risks are just a part of life. You take risks on a daily basis. Did you jaywalk today? That was a risk. Did you drive your car? That’s also a risk.
My point is, you take risks all the time. So why should this be any different?
Sure, it’s on a different scale, but isn’t even more worthwhile? If you want success in your relationships, you must risk. It’s really just as simple as that.
6. Be honest with the person
If you want redamancy with someone but you’re scared, tell them. Why not? Why hide it?
Tell them you want to reciprocate their love, but it’ll take you some time. Let them know where your fear comes from so they can work with you and be patient. If you don’t say anything, you could lose your chance.
7. Define love
We all have our own definition of love. What is love to you?
Figure out what love means to you. You may have assumed it was just a copy of what you saw in the movies, but that’s about it. Is love what you saw between your parents that always fought? Is love what you see when you look at your partner?
If you can define what love means to you, you are one step closer to returning that feeling to the person who feels it for you.
8. No two loves are the same
Redamancy isn’t something you learn from a textbook. No one really knows how to love someone back, we just do what we feel is right.
But, understand that redamancy isn’t something you copy and paste to each person you love. Everyone receives and interprets love differently. The love you had with your high school sweetheart won’t be the same as it will be with your spouse. Thus, no two loves are ever the same.
9. Know the types of love
When people think of love, they usually assume romantic love. However, there are different types of love. First, of course, you have Eros which is romantic love.
But you also have Storge which is the love of family. Philia which is platonic love, and Agape which is divine love *a spiritual sense*. So, these are considered love, they’re all different. But, you can be scared of feeling any of them.
You could be scared to rely on a friend, partner, sibling, or anyone you could love. Redamancy is the act of loving back in all these ways.
10. Is it love or infatuation?
To have redamancy between you and another person, it has to be genuine love. So, do you really love this person or is it infatuation?
Love usually develops gradually between two people; whereas, infatuation is an intense, immediate desire for that person. Now, it can develop into love, but it’s usually right at the beginning of a relationship. Love is deeper and more connected and confusing than infatuation. It has a foundation.
11. Take your time
If you feel you want to love them back, but you’re scared, take your time. No one tells you to rush into it. If they are, tell them to back off. The feeling develops quickly or slowly, it’s subjective.
So, take as much time as you need, fear isn’t easy to battle. But, make sure that you try to overcome your fear, this is the only way you can have redamancy.
12. The more you love, the more you grieve
This is just the way it is. When you truly love someone back, you grieve more when it comes to the end. Whether this person leaves you, you have an argument, or that person passes away, grief comes and hits hard.
Now, is that a bad thing? No. It just shows how much you care for that person. Grief is love with nowhere to go. This is something you can’t fight, it happens to everyone. But it doesn’t mean that the redamancy wasn’t absolutely worth it while it lasted.
13. It doesn’t matter who loves more
A reason many people struggle to love back is the fear of loving them more. They say that whoever loves more has less power. Well, I don’t know who they are, but they are idiots.
If your relationship with anyone is built on a power structure, it isn’t a relationship worth having. In healthy relationships, you love each other and every day is different. Some days one person loves more, sometimes it’s the other. Relationships are give and take. Loving back doesn’t mean you love them more. It means you get to enjoy shared love.
14. Stop worrying about timing
Unrequited love sucks, but it shouldn’t send you into a craze. Worrying that if you don’t love someone back that they’ll leave or if you do, you’ll scare them are irrational. Of course, love isn’t rational, but try to stop worrying so much.
There is no timing or schedule for redamancy. It just happens when it happens.
This may sound cheesy but take a deep breath. If you want to experience redamancy, but are scared, unsure, or just lost, breathe.
Close your eyes. Imagine your life as happy as it can be. Who is there? Those are the people you share redamancy with.
Now that you know how to practice redamancy and its meaning, it’s time you did it. Returning the feeling of love is one of the most beautiful things that happens to you, so enjoy.