Do nice guys always finish last? Not necessarily. But if you’re too nice, women can walk all over you. It’s time to cure your nice guy syndrome.
You’ll hear this line from countless of women, “Oh, he was okay. I dunno… he was just too nice.” Ouch. I’m not going to act like I’m not one of those women – I’ve used that line before. You could be the cutest guy in the room, however, when you’re too nice or the guy suffering from the nice guy syndrome, I feel like there’s no challenge and no chase. That’s why there’s no second date.
But you can get through this rough patch. You may genuinely be a nice guy *and I’m not asking you to forcefully become an asshole*, but there are some things you can do to save yourself the unnecessary rejection and cure your nice guy syndrome.
What makes someone a nice guy?
Okay, before we go any further, let’s make this clear. A nice guy is a great guy, he’s the good guy that all girls want to date and fall in love with.
BUT in this context, the nice guy is the kind of guy who’s just extra. You’ll know when you meet this nice guy, he’s the guy who isn’t just courteous, but the guy who’s goes 10 miles extra to be nice to someone.
The worst part about this kind of nice guy is his eagerness to please, it’s so much that you can almost smell it off him. He’s not doing it because he’s genuinely nice, he’s being nice in the hope that others around him will like him more for it. His neediness and clinginess is so bad, he’s almost always a pushover and someone who suffers from implosive anger.
He’s angry with the world, he’s angry with himself and everyone else because he’s not being appreciated by anyone even though he’s “trying” real hard to be likeable. Get it? You’ve probably come across this guy yourself. And if you haven’t, could you be this guy?
How to stop being the Nice Guy and get over the Nice Guy Syndrome
Once a nice guy, not always a nice guy. No one said you’re stuck with that label. So if you’ve been having a difficult time in the dating scene, here are some tips you can try so you can shed your nice guy syndrome.
#1 Know the signs. If you think you may be Mr. Nice Guy, perhaps it’s time to look at the signs. Once you’re aware of the signs, then you’ll be able to take steps to fight your given stereotype and become a man who lands a second date without any questions being asked. [Read: How to ask a girl out when you’re a shy guy]
#2 Admit you’re Mr. Nice Guy. This will take a shot to your ego, but you’re not getting any dates, so really you have nothing to lose. It’s time to accept the fact that you’re Mr. Nice Guy. Just admit it to yourself.
Once you’re done grieving over your newfound discovery, you can work on combating the title you’ve earned. Take a couple days, eat some ice cream, and watch Rocky. Then it’s time to get to work.
#3 What do you do that fits the stereotype? There’s probably a couple main actions you do that play a huge role in you not getting women. Maybe you’re too passive aggressive or perhaps you come off too needy. Although this may appear harmless, women don’t like it. And if they don’t like it, you won’t be getting any girls.
#4 You’re predictable. Women are all about patterns. The minute something is out of the regular pattern, we know. Trust me. I can see when a guy isn’t interested in me before he tells me. It’s all in his actions. So, it could be that you’re texting her all the time – switch up the routine a bit and throw her off track.
#5 Stop lavishing her with gifts. Yeah, I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea. This one guy I went on a first date with showed up to my door with chocolates, a teddy bear, and flowers. Needless to say, it was a little much. Oh, and did he get a second date? No, he did not. You don’t need to buy her gifts – you really don’t. It comes off as desperate. I know it’s sad, but it’s the truth.
#6 Lay off the neediness. Whether you have your own life or not, you need to make it look like you do. No one, whether you’re a man or woman, wants to be around a clinger. There’s actually nothing worse than having some guy who won’t go away and get the hint.
So, if you want her, you’re going to have to show that you have your own life and that you’ll make time for her – but she’s not the only thing in your life.
#7 Say no. This is a huge one. You’ve probably never said no to a girl. In fact, even when you want to say no, they do something cute and you shrug and say, “okay.” Well, not today. Those days are over. Now, you’re going to say no. Women want a man. Men take charge and say no. You need to have boundaries so that you don’t end up being stuck with the nice guy syndrome.
#8 Stop being available. You’re able to hang out with her any time of the day, any day of the week. That’s a problem. Don’t you have things to do? People to see? People other than her?
She knows that if she calls you to hang out, you’d bail on all your commitments just to see her. Don’t do that. You already made plans, so she’ll have to wait another day.
#9 Create some challenge. Try not texting her or calling her when she expects it. That way, she’ll notice that the pattern has broken and that something is different. She may become suspicious if there’s another girl, which is great. This will spark her competitive side.
#10 You can be bad. Maybe you wanna be a bad boy, but you’re nervous to go out of the box. Listen, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, why not be the bad boy? You don’t have to punch people in the face when they walk by or egg someone’s house to be a bad boy. The bad boy is an energy from within, so you just need to dig it out.
#11 Go outside of your comfort zone. Women like men who are adventurous and interested in exploring and trying new things. If you’re used to sitting on your couch and playing video games and you’re not getting a girl, it’s time to change up your lifestyle. Go outside of your comfort zone and do things you wouldn’t typically do so you can shed you nice guy syndrome.
#12 Give her breathing space. Let her come to you. You can initiate the first conversation, but believe me, if she likes you, she’ll keep talking. If you’re suffocating her with your texts and calls, she won’t be coming around. It’s okay to play a little hard to get. Remember, women like a challenge.
#13 Get used to confrontation. Listen, if you let us, we will walk all over you. I’m a woman, so I know. It’s not that we plan to do it, but we like pushing the boundaries to see how far you’ll let us go.
That being said, when we step out boundaries, you’ll need to say no. Which will probably turn into an argument. Don’t be scared to argue with the girl you like. She’ll argue back but also understand where the line is drawn.
#14 Say what you want. Don’t be scared to voice your opinion because you’re unsure if the girl you like will approve. It’s your opinion! So what if she doesn’t like it?
By not voicing your opinion, you become dull and boring. That’s how you get stuck in the nice guy syndrome. You basically end up like a lap dog that just follows her around. That won’t get you the girl – that’ll get you the title of Mr. Nice Guy.
#15 You don’t always need approval. You’re Mr. Nice Guy because you’re concerned about other people’s feelings. Which isn’t a bad thing, in fact, I think it’s something the world needs more of. But, it becomes a problem when other people come before you all the time. You don’t need to be a people-pleaser and get approval from everyone before doing something. This is why you’re Mr. Nice Guy.
#16 Gain confidence. Listen, it is all about confidence. You are a good person, and you are worthy of being with someone who cares about you. This is all about working on your confidence and creating personal boundaries with your relationships. By doing this, shockingly, you’re viewed as a bad boy as opposed to Mr. Nice Guy.
You don’t have to be Mr. Nice Guy. If you follow these tips, you’ll be well on your way to landing a date and being with the girl you like. It’s time to cure the nice guy syndrome once and for all.