How soon is too soon to move in? Some people say a year while others say not until you’re married. Is there a perfect time to cohabitate?
Moving in together is tricky. It takes your relationship from part-time to full-time. There are things you will learn about each other when you’re always under the same roof that you never would have known before. These things can be game-changers, so how soon is too soon to move in together?
Is it best to find these things out sooner so you don’t invest too much time or should you wait until you are so in love those little things couldn’t possibly change how you feel? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it is totally up to you and your partner.
If you both feel ready to live together, do it. Sure, there may be statistics to argue one way or the other but there are always exceptions.
But, how to do figure out if it is too soon to move in for you?
[Read: Are you ready to move in together? Your complete 16-point checklist]
How to know if you’re ready to move in
Firstly, even before wondering if it’s too soon to move in, you need to understand that readiness to move in together can come down to the facts or the feelings. There is a lot to consider.
Do you feel close enough to each other? Do you think you’ll be happy coming home to them every day? Will your little fights about furniture or decorating be too much?
And, are you ready financially? Have you discussed the details? Are you buying a home together? Will both your names be on the mortgage? Are you moving into their place or they yours, or are you getting a new place? What’s your budget?
[Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
Are you comfortable discussing money? Will you split costs or will one of you pay more because you make more? Will one person take over household chores or will you share? Have you talked about if you will pay bills together?
I know this is overwhelming and a lot to think about, but living together takes this all into account. If this is too much for you, you may want to put living together on hold.
If these questions excite you and you are looking forward to working through all of this with your partner, you’re probably ready to move in.
But, how can you be sure?
[Read: 6 common relationship problems faced by couples who live together]
How soon is too soon to move in?
I’m sorry to say that there is no such thing as a sure thing in any relationship. Is there even a too soon time to move in?
For some, it could be weeks while others may take years.
For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. We plan to move in together in a year. We are ready now emotionally but with his lease and our finances, we are giving it a year.
At the same time, his roommate and his girlfriend have been together for about 10 years and have no plan to live together. That is simply what’s right for them.
There is no specific time that you should or shouldn’t move in. But, there are some signs that you’re ready to move in and it isn’t too soon for you.
#1 You can talk about money. And agree on a budget. If one of you makes more than the other, are you okay with an imbalanced contribution? If you make less, is your partner willing to get a smaller place so you feel more equal or do they want what they can afford?
You need to be able to come to understandings and compromises in order to find a place to live let alone actually live there together. [Read: Sharing expenses in a relationship and the must-follow rules to abide by]
#2 You want to live together. Lots of couples move in together because it seems like the right time or their leases are up or it just makes sense. But, even with all that, if you don’t genuinely want to come home to them everyday, this will cause a lot more trouble than it’s worth.
#3 You’ve spent a fair amount of time together. This is something that some couples speed by but can really help you figure out if you can hack it together under one roof. It is one thing to stay together for one night, but staying together for a few days or even a week will show you a glimpse of what living together is like.
Do you bicker? Do you respect each other? Are you helpful? Are you lazy? Do you wake up and go to bed at similar times? These are things that will be helpful to learn before living together. [Read: These cohabitation tips will help you live together in peace]
#4 You know your jobs. A relationship is a team and you should both do your parts. Depending on your work schedules, time, and such you will both have responsibilities. Will you do the cooking and cleaning because you’re home more often. Who will pay for groceries and home decor?
Have an agreement about what you both need to do to keep the household running smoothly so things don’t go unsaid. Also, stay on the same page if anything changes.
#5 You communicate. This is something that changes drastically when you’re sharing a home. When you are at your partner’s place, you may feel like it is their space so you can’t say anything about their dirty clothes pile or sink full of dishes. But when you share a home, those things are in your space too. Will they bug you? Will you be able to say something?
When you’re wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, as yourself if you hold back sometimes to avoid a fight. Holding back from communicating with each other causes tension and resentment over the long term. You have to be able to communicate about things both large and small to successfully cohabitate. [Read: 14 steps that’ll make you both expert communicators in love]
#6 You agree on invites. You may love having your friends stopping by unannounced but your partner may be more private. Are there certain friends you both feel comfortable around that can stop by? Who needs to call first? Who will you give a spare key to?
#7 Will you have pets? Pets are a big part of a family and whether you already have one or more or plan on adopting, this is a big conversation. Will you share the responsibility of feeding and cleaning? Who will take the dog for walks or scoop the litter box?
Will you allow the pets on the furniture or are they limited to the floor? You need to agree on these things before they cause a major issue. [Read: Considering adopting a pet? The things both of you need to ask yourselves]
#8 Remember time and quality time are not the same. Once a couple moves in together, dates tend to take a back seat. You’re always together so why put the effort in? Well, there are a lot of reasons.
Just because you are sitting in the same room on your phones, it doesn’t mean you are nurturing your relationship. Taking time to be together away from distractions is so important, even more so once you share a living space.
#9 You know the plan. Being on the same page is so important. When you live together, you are connected financially in some way. A breakup is more than a breakup, but knowing what the future holds in some way is important. Do you plan on getting married? Will you have kids? [Read: 20 would you rather questions for couples who want to go deeper]
#10 Are you ready for all the stuff? I know this sounds general, but hear me out. Living together means being sick around each other, taking care of each other, seeing one another in a new light. Are you ready to take away some of the mystery and add a whole lot of intimacy?
[Read: Considering moving in together? Exactly how big a step is it really]
So, with this, the question should be how soon is too soon to move in for you as a couple?
The post How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In? The Right Signs to Look Out For is the original content of LovePanky – Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.