Do you get nervous when talking to your crush? Well, you can learn how to play it cool with a girl and keep your calm every time.
Understanding how to play it cool with a girl can be hard in reality when you are super nervous. Being scared to flirt or just talk to a girl is completely normal, no matter your age.
I’m 28. Before meeting my boyfriend, I was a wreck when talking to a guy. My hands would get sweaty. My stomach would grumble, loudly. I would be on the verge of canceling plans every time I was going out with a guy.
So, how did I calm down and play it cool? The same way you will… By actually being cool.
I know it seems like actually stopping the nerves would be a lot more difficult than hiding them to get by, but that is just a bandaid. If you want to know how to play it cool with a girl, you don’t play it, you do it.
How to play it cool with a girl in the beginning
There are a lot of scenarios when you might be nervous with a girl. It could be approaching a girl at a party or the grocery store. It could also be when you’re meeting up for a date or taking her back to your place. But, before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s focus on introductions.
Even though you have the least to lose at this point, introducing yourself to a girl for the first time feels the most terrifying.
This is one of the reasons dating apps have become so popular. People don’t meet in traditional ways. When was the last time you met someone at the grocery store?
Approaching someone can be more terrifying than the first date, the first kiss, and more, combined. So, how do you play it cool with a girl at the beginning is a conundrum.
Well, I’m sorry to say there is no quick fix. You can pinch your wrist and shut down the nerves or take a deep breath and expect to be confident. It will take time to realign the way you think about meeting girls.
Right now, you’re probably going into this thinking you’ll be rejected, she’ll laugh at you. She’ll look at you like you’re nuts. You might be thinking she’s out of your league. Or you might be worried her boyfriend is nearby. You don’t want to bother her.
You can think of a billion excuses not to approach her. But instead of thinking about all of that, focus on just one reason to approach her. It is an opportunity. It could lead to rejection, sure, but it could lead to true love, friendship, or a funny story to tell at parties.
If you don’t put so much pressure on yourself for a simple, “hello,” you won’t be so scared. If you think of introducing yourself to a girl as introducing yourself to a new colleague, it will feel a lot less scary.
When you have that nonchalance, you will come off cool. You won’t have to act cool, because you will be.
Even if you still have nerves, be yourself. If a guy ever once approached me at the store and said, “I’ve never done this and I’m super nervous, but I noticed you and wanted to introduce myself,” I would have been so flattered and intrigued.
He wouldn’t have to seem “cool” or like he is so experienced or sure of my response. Just taking that risk and saying hello is more than most girls get.
If you can rethink talking to a new girl from nerve-racking to normal, you’ll be able to feel calmer and be cooler.
How to play it cool with a girl
Let’s move past the introductions. As important as they are, the rest of it is also there. Understanding how to play it cool with a girl is about confidence. It isn’t about reassurance or expectations.
What makes you so nervous with a girl is fear and uncertainty. You’ll never know what is going to happen or how it will happen. By letting go of that, you can accept any outcome. That is what makes you cool.
To help you grasp this concept, I’m going to tell you a story about a guy I went on three dates with who did not by any stretch of the imagination know how to play it cool with a girl.
We met online and went for coffee. He seemed normal enough. About 20 minutes in, he seemed very interested in me. Right away, I was uncomfortable.
Of course, he was interested, or else he wouldn’t have come on the date. But so quickly that intrigue turned to certainty. He seemed so sure he liked me after 20 minutes. But, he didn’t know me, and that is where it went wrong.
Maybe he liked what he knew about me, but he took those few things and ran with them.
Do you find yourself doing this? Maybe you think a girl is pretty and think it’s awesome that she travels a lot and likes your favorite show. That’s all great and calls for interest, but it means you need to get to know her more, not that you know her and she’s the one.
Back to my story… I decided to go on another date with this guy because he seemed nervous during the first meeting, and I thought that was sweet. Date two was a lot. A second date should be more intimate than the first, but I was still was a stranger.
He didn’t just go to hold my hand but wanted to aggressively make out in a public park. From there, he was planning date number three, all while assuming I was on board. I took him to a restaurant, so he’d have to keep his distance. Then we went bowling where he was again aggressively close to me.
At that point, I was thinking about how to let him down, but I was running late to a job and didn’t have the time then.
That night he called me, for no reason, just to talk. This could be a personal preference, but I don’t like that. I even said that on the phone. 20% of the call was silent. Just, why?
We then decided to meet up at a mall. I thought I’d let him down in person. Again he was pushy and aggressive. He talked about going away together, me coming to his house, and meeting his mom. I was overwhelmed and left.
The next day we FaceTimed. As I tried to get a word in, he kept talking about the future with me. I stopped him and asked what he liked about me. Other than some basics like my looks and being smart and funny, he couldn’t say much else because he didn’t know me.
I told him he didn’t know me and I didn’t understand how he could be so sure and all in with the little he knew. It made me uncomfortable. He claimed he did know me, but he didn’t and I ended it. I won’t get into his response, but do you see how he didn’t know how to play it cool with a girl?
He insisted he knew me and liked me. This is what made him so eager. He probably believed it too, but in reality, he liked the version of me he stirred up in his mind. He took the few facts he knew and blended them into this perfect girl.
Not only did that put pressure on me to live up to that, but it made me wildly uncomfortable and disturbed. Would he date any girl? Was it me he liked or who he hoped I was and who he wanted me to be?
It seemed like he wanted a girlfriend no matter who it was. He built things up in his mind so much that his game was so intense.
Why you should act on your true feelings
Knowing how to play it cool with a girl means toning all that way down. It doesn’t mean you have to seem indifferent or shut off your interest. It means you must act on your true feelings, not the one you’re expecting or hoping to have.
If he had asked me more questions about myself or took his time to hear me out, it would have felt authentic. His interest would be genuine if he tried to get to know me for me rather than assuming he knew me based on the few things he liked.]
It is hard to know how to play it cool with a girl when you view her as a goddess or as this perfect person who will make you happy and give you what you want. But, if you view her as a person who has flaws and quirks and is probably just as nervous as you, you can show your interest by getting to know her.
Ask her about herself, share your stories, and treat her with respect. Playing it cool is about enjoying the moment whether it ends up in a relationship or a kind goodbye.
If you say something embarrassing, she’ll likely find it endearing. If you trip, she’ll giggle and see you as human. And, if you tell her you like her, she’ll be flattered.
As long as you keep getting to know her and accept any outcome as a possibility, you will be great at learning how to play it cool with a girl.